stash
original article posted on 10/21/2002 at 04:55:53 AM on the ‘raising hell ‘zine’ website where i was a writer/contributor 
updated 06/17/2009 00:55:17 AM
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when i was a teenager, my mom found a bag of marijuana in one of my sister’s rooms. being as i was the only one home at the time, she stomped up to me and shook the baggie in my face.
“do you know what this is?” she yelled. “Do.You.Know.What.This.IS??”
“of COURSE” i said flippantly, barely looking up from my book (glad that it wasn’t MINE), “and YOU know what it is, too.”
thar she blows! she starts in on The Mother Of All Rants. “i’m going to wring her neck! she’ll be grounded for LIFE…!” and then the rant. just. stops.
prematurely.
ama-a-a-a-zing.
mom has changed her mind, mid rant, about confronting my sister. she decides to flush the stash down the toilet and replace it…, with some nice, dried, leafy oregano! i was stunned. and then i was laughing my ass off! i was SWORN. TO. SECRECY. (like i was gonna tell…, not on your life! i wanted to watch her SMOKE it!)
so, mom flushed.
she refilled.
she replaced the baggie where she’d found it.
and we BOTH, amazingly enough, promptly forgot about it.
and the years pass…
one night, we were sitting around the dinner table as young adults, and the subject of drugs came up. i think my sister said something about mom never finding her stash and bam! all of those oregano memories came rushing back…
i look at my mom. and she looks at me. and we both start cracking up…! i start to tell the story because mom is laughing so hard that she can’t speak. my sister is looking perplexed because she only remembers missing a bag of pot that one time. but my brother’s eyes are getting bigger and bigger as a revelation is dawning on him.
“oh my gawd, you’re shittin’ me!”, he says, “i stole that baggie and smoked it with my friends! we got sick as DOGS!”
now we’re ALL screaming with laughter! my dad stuck his head in from the garage to see why we were carrying on, but no one was coherent enough to tell him. which made us laugh even MORE. and my dad just shook his head and retreated.
our best family drug story EVER. it still cracks us up
