junk.rat

granny goes to tiajuana, circa 1930

and, from the summer of 2002:

THE VIRGIN GRANNY CONVERSATION

drinking coffee and visiting with granny as she sorts through her stuff, deciding what to keep and what to throw away.

granny: would you look at that! baby wrapping paper. i guess i won’t be needing any more of that…
me: i don’t think so, grandma. i think we’re all done having babies.
granny: i suppose so. you know, i always wanted to have 4 babies but i only had your dad and dianne.
granny: so what about your sister, jocelyn? she only has one…
me: yeah, she’s probably done, too.
granny: maybe connor would like it anyway. he used to like cutting out the little pictures on wrapping papers…
me: mmmm. i don’t think so, grandma. he’s in 3rd grade or something. he definitely doesn’t do that anymore. and i don’t want to be a grandmother yet, so don’t even THINK about saving it for zakk!
granny, laughing: why he’s not even married yet! have you had that little talk with him?
me: mmmm…, well it’s a little late for THAT, grandma…
granny, tittering: oh DEAR!
me: so, i just be sure to have condoms available…
granny: i guess young people don’t wait anymore…
me: hmmm. i’m sure that SOME do.
granny: well, i’d just like you to know that your grandmother was a virigin when she got married!
me: Really??!
granny: of COURSE! i wasn’t going to give it up for free! and i was SO excited! i couldn’t wait for my wedding night!
me, laughing: REEEally!
granny: and you know what?
me: what??
granny: it was awful. just AWFUL.
me: oh NO! that’s terrible!
granny: and after that…? it just. got. worse.
me, spitting coffee: oh. my. GAWD, grandma!
granny, shaking her head: DEFINITELY wasn’t all it was cracked up to be…
me: you know, grandma…
granny: yes?
me: that just might be why you only had TWO kids…
granny, tittering behind her hand: oh dear, you just might be right!